It's really not that hard, you see dee why dee ex equals

"I just don't think we could have just lucked out to have the tides go in, the tides go out."

--Bill O'reilly on why he believes in God

So Bill, you think Yaweh controls the tides. The tides are caused by the gravity from Luna. The side of Earth closest to Luna is attracted more strongly, causing Earth to bulge and the oceans to swell. If God thought this up he could have done a better job, since the force causes Luna to recede and the Earth's rotation to slow down. Maybe that's how those first days were so long, He kept the Earth in a box and wouldn't let it spin.

How Luna got there is also has a simple explanation. It didn't come from Yaweh. It came from Earth colliding with a giant asteroid. What's so hard to understand about that? I mean, did you think Armageddon was over your head? It's okay if you thought that about Deep Impact because I'm pretty sure that was someones Phd thesis.* Okay, maybe you think we can't explain where the thing that hit Earth came from. But it was from the same place as everything else in the solar system. You, me, the cow you murdered for dinner, the subsidized corn it was raised on, and Sol that started the whole thing, came from a collapsing molecular cloud, and supernova expelling matter into our solar system. Do you really need me to explain how the elements up to iron are formed inside a star, and the elements after that formed in the explosion after iron starts fusing?

Isn't it much more rewarding to know all that than just say, "God did it." God did a lot of things. It's called the Crusades, the Inquisition, and the Salem witch trials. No, I'm just kidding. Humans did all those. I think it's time humans stand up, and take credit for the violent, territorial, tool-using, brilliant mammals that they are. Don't ever forget, like you could if you wanted, that we all start out looking for mommy's titty and pooping in our pants.

We may be children of the stars, but only in a literal sense. We will be killed by the stars too. Even if somehow we conquered death, eventually Sol will grow and cover Earth. That is the real dangerous global climate change. Not even Yaweh ever threatened to do that, he just flooded Earth and drowned everyone, but little does he know the Dutch out smarted him by fingering dikes. Not to mention the ultimate fate of Universe if the second law of thermodynamics holds. Eventually all the energy would run out of the universe and there would be nothing left but a motionless blob, devoid of pattern. What's not to love about a cheery theory like that?

* Also I might not the best person to explain this. My physics grades in college were D, F, B for a whopping 1.33 GPA.