Change we can believe in?

I thank President Bush for ... the still waters of peace.
--Barack Obama

All I can say, President Obama, is that I'm glad you came around to our way of thinking. Just do whatever it takes! Sell arms to Iranians, cocaine to your citizens, and bullshit to the world. Nobody ever got hurt because of a cover-up. Would you really want to see Dick Cheney in jail? He makes you look so good just by sticking around. He couldn't go on Meet the Press from prison. Plus he's so old he would look pathetic going there. Don't underestimate the American people's sympathy for an old man in distress. Remember how I had to fake my assassination to get people to like me? Of course Cheney looked even more evil in that wheel chair, so maybe he would have trouble playing the sympathy card from the bottom of the deck.

Speaking of playing cards Nancy gave me a Tarot reading. Let's just say the Priestest and the Hanged Man were prominently involved. Blame it all on Pelosi. Now granted you don't want to really get rid of her. You just want to threaten her. A little like MAD. Although I funded the Pentagon to find out if there was a way around MAD, but they never could find anything. Researching it actually caused John Nash to go crazy in the past. They have instructed you on all the uses of the time machine by now haven't they? I used to love passing the days by watching myself on movie sets. Especially when we faked the moon landing. You did know I was the key grip on that, right? You should respect your elders and learn you history. Many great men, some good men, mostly retarded men have held that office before you, and all the great ones had something in common. They didn't let themselves get bullied. Not by the British, the South, the Nazis, or the Grenadans.

And if I can ask a favor could you get rid of Daniel Ortega for me. Just call it one last Contra war for old-times sake. You can say he's working with al-Qaeda. Not totally crushing the Sandinistas was the one thing that always bothered me. Maybe that's asking too much. You could at least tell Hugo Chavez to tear down a Texaco or something. Remember, nobody ever lost an election because they red-baited too much.

Next time you see 43 tell him not to mention my name in public.

Best of luck,
Ronald Reagan's reanimated corpse

P.S. What does it mean if "Reagan" is in my spell check, but "Barack" and "Obama" are not. Does this show a pernicious conservative bias in computer software?