Movie Theater Cuisine

Movie theaters offer a variety of over price industrial food-like products for your dining pleasure. From the minty refreshment of snow caps, to the masochistic pleasure of gummy bears (bite their heads off and hear their screams), the food is about as far removed from nature as it can get. However, that doesn't mean that there is no room fro creativity with your food preparation. The next time you are at the theater, don't just open the box and eat all the food during the previews. Try these delicious and interesting recipes.

Milk Duds and Popcorn
Ah, Milk Duds. What more needs to be said? Some sort of strange, flake-like chocolate surrounding a caramel center with the sticking power of industrial strength glue. How can you make this tooth destroying dish even better? Combine it with salt and butter! When you say salt and butter at a movie theater, you are really saying popcorn. Apparantly, popcorn was originally sold outside the theater by third-party vendors then brought inside by patrons. This is now, of course, a capital crime; so while you may be able to sneak in a box of Milk Duds, you are probably going to have to buy the popcorn yourself. Stick with the small, if you need more for God's sake eat a salad before you go. The recipe is fairly intuitive once you know the ingredients, but for our slower readers, you put a Milk Dud in your mouth, get a few piece of popcorn, then chew them into each other to activate all the primal cravings that any primate can enjoy, i.e. salt, fat, and sweet. Serves one really fat person.

Twizzlers and Sprite
Twizzlers are a great for when you haven't had the proper serving of fruit in the day. You wouldn't want to leave a hole in your personal food pyramid, so let's try and eat healthy for once. Plus, it doesn't have any fat, it says so right on the package! Why would anyone want to eat this bland alternative to Starbursts? Because it makes an excellent straw. By biting off the ends of a Twizzlers, you can stick it in a soft drink and sip. If your package is somewhat smashed, a real hazard in those candy displays, you may have to work the tube open a little bit. Now, at first you may be like, "This just tastes like Sprite. Why did I get this when I could have gotten some Mike and Ikes instead?" Have a little patience. As the Twizzler leaches its interior into the beverage stream, the flavors will mix. Before the Twizzler totally loses its structural integrity, pull it out of the drink. Then when you eat it, a wonderful burst of soft drink explodes into your mouth. While you could use any beverage for this concoction, I would recommend either Sprite or a sweet white wine, such as an expensive Riesling.

The next time you see a movie don't be afraid to experiment with your food. Just because it came from a complicated industrial process, that doesn't mean you can't be creative. And remember, stay away from licorice, that stuff is just disgusting.